Instead of suicide

there are a ton of sites out there that have ideas for things you can do instead of suicide. hello, cruel world is a list of 101 alternatives. so if you don’t find anything on this list helpful, look around and try other things.

for me, if i’m feeling intensely, actively suicidal, the best i can hope for is to numb out and just make it through the day.

here are some things that have worked:

reading. i mean total schlock fiction. for me, the best ones in this situation are the alternate world fantasies, the ones where it’s not about anything intellectual, it’s just a story. and they are long, and there are usually a bunch of books. so if i start at the beginning of a series, i can get through a week or two, even if i’m reading hundreds of pages a day.

playing games online. for me, it’s best if it’s a pretty short game that doesn’t require much attention, and doesn’t require interaction with other people. sites like tangerine panic, freerice.com, setgame.com. or there is always pogo games. just mindless things. there is a ton of this available on the internet. if it’s a choice between being dead and wasting time, waste time!

movies. these don’t always work for me, but when they do… woo hoo! that’s an hour and a half, or more, when i was able to lose myself, and not think about my own life. totally worth it. same with watching tv. plop down on the couch and veg out.

word games or puzzles. these are another thing you might try. something that will engage your brain, and get you through some time.

get out of the house. i am personally less inclined to kill myself where some stranger might have to deal with my remains. so i get out of the house, and wander around. try to be safe about this, and if you think you won’t be safe, this might not be your best option. what i mean is, don’t put yourself into a dangerous situation. i might want to die at times, but i’m pretty clear that i don’t want to be mugged or beaten up or hit by a car or worse as the way out.

do something physical. rip up newspapers. throw things against the walls. punch things (avoid hard things, since you don’t really want to wind up going to the hospital for a broken bone.) buy things from the dollar store or thrift store or at a yard sale and destroy them (you could buy more expensive things, but that would be silly).

give yourself permission to do something. at the point of crisis, so long as you’re not doing something that will hurt someone else, go ahead and do it. choose the safest option that seems like it will help you to feel less horrible. write a letter to someone who upset you (don’t necessarily send it). buy something you’ve always wanted (if possible, don’t spend money you need for necessities–that new computer won’t do you any good if you can’t pay the electric bill or your rent). let yourself do something that other people would think is weird or strange–is it worse to be weird, or to be dead? honestly, i sometimes find that buying stuff gives me a couple of days of not feeling suicidal, especially if i buy it online (because then i have to be alive to sign for the package). some of the things you do won’t be good long-term solutions. unless you’re much wealthier than i am, you can’t buy something every time you’re sad. but some of the things i did to get through the day when i was feeling suicidal turn out to be good in the long term. for instance, giving myself permission not to be perfect has helped me every day since i figured out how to do it.

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